HAPPY BDAY MUMMY!

Hello! Pre bday feelings are: I can't be bothered just another year nothing else. Too tired, too exhausted. I had been so unwell for two weeks now I am better but really not in a mood for bday. I don;t know if I am rude, awful or just not very nice these days but not even the prospect of presents makes me happy. I am thinking...its all a big game...people give to receive and judging by some of the cards and presents from the past ...should i be bothered? I guess it all started when I was unwell and really felt like a bowl of soup and Maria who normally is surrounded by loads of friends was so lonley and no one seemed to be tuned into her real heart's desire for a nice cosy soup...so it went all downheal. Then I got better and started thinking what is friendship all about? I thought frienship was being there for the other, making sometimes sacrifices guessing well at what might make your friend's day etc...but I give it to my friends "no one can read minds" and also there are huge culural and social differences here.
Still, when my first bday present and card arrived this week I nearly screamed and cried in agony of just how this person really hasn;t got a clue what I like and what I am like....(sad but true and yes maybe I am being a rude person cause the thought is that counts but is it?)- I was on verge of depression when I got my neighbours card and I thought she is so thoughtful although she has literally just gotten married she had time to think of me...
THen the presents and cards strated pouring in...and even from my 96 years old neighbour! My cleaner and one of my closest friends ...and its not EVEN MY BDAY YET! Am I feeling better? Well question and negative thoughts still cross me but I am overwhelmed by attention that I have received. I on a purpose went out today and I am planning to do that tomorrow but I got a lot of phone calls and texts with people leaving things or wondering where I was.
Natalie thanks for the chock...so personalised! I ate it tonight I needed some happy hormones so...couldn;t wait til tomorrow! You are very thoughtful.

Must dash but more tomorro!
M:)) I know the picture is not very good but thats how I look now at 32!