26th January 2009

Hello there! Its been a difficult two three weeks with much turmoil which the mind wants to understand and find intelectual explanations for and the heart accepts the bleeding process.
For those who don;t know I, Maria have decided to go back to work for three and half days a week now when most people are being made redundant and when R seems happy in the nursery and it all made sense. I needed the intelectual challange and some extra income. Its been hard to only be a mum for 18 months and have the baby related conversations and I was missing the career part of my life which started to become non existent even though I have managed to retrain and get a Diploma in the last 18 months. Its been very difficult to be at home mum because I felt I was getting very tired and my days were becoming about the cleaning and sorting out the house and lookingafter and entertaining my son rather than being all else that I know I can be. Some would call it maybe the eternal impatience in me others might try and blame my bad mothering skills or who knows some might even start and do the psychoanalysis but what is important is that "here and now" I am starting to gasp the world out there. I started to be the mum I did not think I would succed being...a worknig mum. So far its been good. The job is not the best but its a job and its bringing in the extra income when times are difficult. I am able to do my counselling added to this on Saturdays and lets not forget the Pampered Chef my new venture in the evenings just another few additional things. The routine we have got together as a family seems to work ok yet I still get to work and sit down...have my cup of coffee and wonder how my two boys are getting on. The older one Jonathan has had so much to deal with recently...and my heart is journeying with him through the berevement time that he is going through now...while the younger boy my angel my love and my everything is on his way to independence and journeying into the growing and developing world. I am so glad to have been able to stay with my son for 18 months to see him...to gently get him into the nursery and now I am looking at a very happy child in a very safe environment who thrives....
Still the battle inside me is ongoing in fact there are many battles that are going on inside...mainly it is relating to the BEING and experiencing it on all the levels of the intelect, emotions, spiritual, physical and even more.....its all there all happening at once.

While the battles have started I am watching and waiting...imagining that I am doing the best I can at the given moment....so off to bed to get some rest....some well needed rest! Here some pics of Reuben after nursery today!

Reuben loves his activities...! He loves to create very colourfull messes!:))

Also likes to take a rest and watch IN THE NIGHT GARDEN or one of the evening story times depending which comes on first!

Reuben has his dinner at nursery at 4pm after which he only has a snack while mummy and daddy has dinner....and then we all sit in the living room for a drink before bath time and bed time! He loves his new cup (don;t be fulled it is a sippy cup)....does not want to let it out his sight!

The love of my life! REUBEN! (Sorry Jonathan) today R woke eventually when I woke him at 7:50am...what happened to Mr I AM AWAKE AT 5AM? I don;t know he sure was happy bunny when he woke up! - we cuddled with LALA his favourite friend right now and then we went to nursery! My sweetheart is such a brave and lovely boy! I LOVE HIM SOOOO MUCH!
Concentrating watching TELETUBBIES! His newest favourite....!

Hello there! Today mummy;s and Reuben's day together has gone okish. We enjoyed some quality time in the morning watching some tele and then playing in his room after which we had a full breakfast and watched some tele again...and went to pick up mummy's diploma! YES I NOW HAVE IT IN HAND. Reuben loved mummy's college and as soon as we went into the counselling room he picked up the stones...(ready for exploring his own self):)) then we went to see our dear friends Isac, Baby B and Jo and we had an amazing time in their playroom...if only we could design one for R. Then we had a long nap (2 hours) and then we visited Natalie, after which we went to Bwater....and finally home knackered. Really ready for bed...
Here some captures of today!
Reuben loves drinking from a cartoon with a straw! Here some funny pics captured today!

In these pictures Reuben is unbelievably looking like my dad (TATA).

Reuben has seen a few babies these last few days and I think he really likes to copy Cammy who often sits in this bouncy chair.

Here enjoying Cameron's feeding chair! We had spent the afternoon well part of it at Cameron's house! Reuben was a very good boy today!

Mummy's hire car! Very big and mummy is not very convinced about it for many various reasons that we wont go into now.

Here is Grandad's Dumb Valet that now Reuben has inherited (well daddy did but Reuben has clained ownership over it). He is just testing it out ...

Here at Granny's flat Reuben is enjoying talking on the phone to "his imaginary friends"

Hello there! Reuben today is 18 months old!!! Hurray! We celebrated by waking together and having a yumm breakfast and then off swimming to Larkfield Leisure Centre which is yet the most child friendly and exciting place I have seen for a while. There is a soft play area there too and R was out within 10 mins and slept nearly 2 hours after the workout! Its a definatley will be returning there place. Reuben has been a good boy today has fully cooparated with us but when he was in the water we realised just how much he has been missing out. He was so excited he did not stop shouting and screaming with excitment....one of the highlights for me was that he and daddy went through the giant slide when they came out both have had visible adrenaline rush. IT was so exciting. It was so nice to see Reuben so happy and excited! Also for all of us to spend that am together. We have had a difficult week. Loads of nursery time for Reuben and loads of work for mummy and daddy...but it was all lovely really...and now looking forward to see what 18months + brings to us. Hope a few more exciting things cause we had enough of the negative stuff in the past three months, illness, death, illness, accident, funeral...I think now ready for some weddings and some nice holidays! Anyone any idea of good holidays? Or anyone fancy a ring bearer for the wedding?
Mxx:)))

Hello from messy pup Reuben- who still think the best thing is to treat your face with Yoghurt..only mummy and daddy have to suffer with the aftermarks!

Today we had a fab am with all our lovely friends, Jenny and Joseph, Annie and Georgia and Natalie and Cammy. We shared lunch too...and it was fab!

Here mummy and Reuben are winding down....both knackered as its been a long tiring day. R loves his Toddlers Bible. We read today about God's trabernacle....a tent that Reuben would have loved!- he kept trying to say the word...Tent!

And finally....home sweet home! I miss these scenes sooooo much when you walk on the crunchy snow and watch the scenes of a wonderful white winter! well for now ill just watch it via cyber space!!!- still better than nothing.

PLAYDATE AND OTHER

Hello there! What a nice day today! We had the Poulters visit! Is so nice to have playdates! Even we are in nusrery now more often seeing our friends is great fun. We also had Granny Smith at lunch time and Reuben had woken up from his pm nap with a Granny at the kitchen table...he was very pleased to see Granny and later the Poulters. So much so that when the Poulters arrived R was so excited not a dot of food was he able to push down his throat.....so exciting exciting and very exciting!

Here is mummy introducing mr Boris to Thomas and Reuben. Both facinated....

THis weekend was a difficult one. We had an accident on Friday morning then we had the funeral at lunchtime and loads of people back at the house after that. Saturday we had visitors dear friends from back when we started attending EPBC and so it was a nice time...re seeing them. Reuben was showered with attention and pressies which he loved. Sunday am we went to church....R was running around and at lunch time nap was a real good one...nearly two hours.

ONE HIGHLIGHT OF THIS WEEK WAS WHEN I HEARD WHAT JONATHAN TOLD REUBEN WHEN PUTTING HIM TO BED IT WAS LIKE THIS:

- Reuben DADDY LOVES YOU VERY MUCH and so DOES GRANDAD SMITH. He has gone up in the sky to be a STAR and is looking over us always....until we see him again.

At hearing this I was so sad but also pleased whats more important than LOVE?! NOTHING NOTHING AT ALL.

Love to you all....

Ok! Today did not start well! Just as I was taking R up to the nursery I had an accident? It was such a wierd thing! I was comming out nicely the road when out of nowhere...this car bumped into me. I saw her so far away...I gaged I can get out...(after all one has to be moving at one point or another) and as I was turning nice and easy into the huge road I saw this little mini comming towards me. I accelerated but the road was so skiddy...I thought I can;t move out of her way and watched her bump into my side...she moved me rather a lot (I mean the position of my car). Reuben screamed...I think it was the noise rather than the actual collision....
I got out the car to find a very scared 20 year old...she was in a hurry to get to an exam at the Independent College in Rochester. When she saw a very dsiturbed R she cried....so I had two people to console while phone the police etc. Anyway, police was nice (THANKS GOODNESS) and they said we probably were both wrong...I should have been mindful of the conditions (weather) and she shouldn't have been speeding so bad....so both accepted liability and now its in the insurer's hands. However, it is a scary day. IT is also the day of MY FATHER IN LAWS FUNERAL. I was so sad to have Jonathan having to cope with this as well. Once again he was amazing my darling husband after taking r to nursery and comforting him he gave me a big cuddle and said its only metal LIFE IS MORE IMPORTANT......ahhhh! I am grateful I am alive all together and able to live. It could have been so much worse! My neighbour came around and said...."I AM A GOOD SUBJECT FOR HER NOVEL WHICH SHE HAS STARTED TO WRITE" - she also said "Maria your life is so exciting, dramatic, adventurous...." at the end of the day....I am looking at that car and would be hard if it came of the road...(which we think will be his fate) that car was SO ME. Bent, dented, missing bits (mirror) and with a huge history....but in good hands ...! Anyway....so lmuch of my philosophies, anaolgies one thing is certain....LIFE IS GOOD, GOD IS GOOD and as ever I AM THANKFUL TO BE ALIVE together with my lovely son.

Here some more pics!

Maybe two guilty women!- its not like this has never happened before although it feels like it!

bye bye Rebeka stilllll

Here a last play with Rebi! You will be missed a lot sister!

Play Dogh- BIG TIME!- R descovedred it and well since we have a go every day!

BYE BYE REBEKA FROM REUBEN

Blowing bubbles and searching for ....ammmm ....mmmm....not sure!

Eating a tomato pasta! He ate like a piggy!

Mummy and Reuben trying out the tel camera...yeah I know in the toilets

And a last one at the airport....yeah the loos behind us! Sorry! Watch only us!

bye bye Rebeka

Here is bye bye to Rebeka who is going back to Romania today! We celebrated by going to a chinese which Rebeka loved!

Reuben after his second day back at nursery loved drawing in his Thomas book!

Rebekah....with the Rose!! we love these pics...such a photogenic Rebekah isn;t she and so gorgeous!! After all she is my little sis! XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

And she is adventurous and brave enough to try the chops!!!

Got so excited in Toys are Us! we shitted our pants well that is the royal we I mean R!!!

Thomas still wins over all toys or things!

What an exciting life this is from the lift which R also loves...on Chatham Pentagon!!! What a lovely life we have hey?

After a long day in nusrery looking at the toys mum put away nicely!!! Ahhhhhh will start again

This is how we draw these days!..........!

There is nothing better than a HUMAN COUCH for Reuben in the nice warm cuddly for of Rebeka this is now a must! And being deprived of TV.....it was a wow lets sit here quietly moment! (but only for 5 mins)

Watch the look on their faces!

NEWS OF TODAY! - R was in nursery for one day and it was hard! mummy rearanged the lining room etc and CUT HER ROGHT MIDDLE FINGER RIGHT IN DEEEEEEEEP its pulsing like there is no tomorow..now iroing and evening routine!

CHEEKY THOMAS'S one real Thomas looking at us...and one chuggy one thats Reuben!

VERY ARTY FARTY! - The boys in action!

PLAYDATE!

Today Reuben has been invited out with his friends...it was a fun filled morning. He has touched PLAYDOUGH for the first time and he has had his first encounter with an easel....as per photo! I did not manage to take more photos of all the kids as they were here and there and everywhere but it looks like they all had a fab time...R slept quite well nearly 1 hour after we came home!

Mxx

HELLO 2009! Hope that it will be a good one and a fun one!

Hello Everyon from Smiths! Hope you have a wonderful 2009! We had a good day today and hope that all days through the year will be as good!!! Reuben slept well, ate well, and behaved well...must be on the mend! here with daddy enjoying a stroll!
Out and about watching the cars and having a run around the car park! I was thinking this should have been a park. I often see parents with kids around this car park ad near the benches I suppose the kids love seeing the coorporation street business....and its such a nice large area to run around in....yeah when there are no cars parked there.

Reuben cooking his pasta! He is my little helper! He loves stirring the pasta in the pot! PLEASE NOTE THIS IS WITH JON BEHIND HIM WE DO NOT NORMALLY LET HIM DO SUCH THINGS! but its only for a second and the picture's sake.

Is it boiled yet? Lets try and taste it! (Please note its been cooled and not on the hob anymore or in hot water).

Happy three on New Years eve! We had no special cusine but just happy time together!

Rebeka and me, we are still good (have not had an argument or a fight she is my bestest, sweetest and cutest sister....such a lovely! (but she is not impressed with the suasages) prefers the potato salad and olives and breaded chicken breast that I made all myslef!

Simple and delicious NEW YEAR S EVE dinner! Potato salad, chicken pops (breaded chicken balls) and olives...and sausages with panchetta. Yumm....well and VINO WHITE!

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU ALL!